Up Calvary's mountain one dreadful morn
Walked Christ my Savior, weary and worn
Facing for sinners death on the cross
That He might save them from endless loss
Blessed Redeemer, precious Redeemer
Seems now I see Him on Calvary's tree
Wounded and bleeding, for sinners pleading
Blind and unheeding, dying for me
"Father, forgive them," my Savior prayed
Even while His lifeblood flowed fast away
Praying for sinners while in such woe
No one but Jesus ever loved so
Dying for me
Oh how I love Him, Savior and friend
How can my praises ever find end
Through years unnumbered on Heaven's shore
My songs shall praise Him forevermore
Tonight as I laid with Levi before laying him in his crib I sang him these lyrics. I was very humbled by the simple truth of these powerful words. Growing up in church your whole life you hear the message of the gospel so many times that it sometimes can become just another thing that you "believe." I believe that Jesus died for me, a sinner who is in need of saving from eternal damnation. I am supposed to spend time daily reading the bible in hopes that while I read, He will talk to me and we can have a relationship. I will refrain from certain things because He told me not to, and I will try to do good things because He told me to do them. When I do the things I'm not supposed to do, all I need to do is ask for forgiveness and then try not to do it again.
While I don't have a problem with the truth of those things, I think there is something missing. There is something so much bigger and more complex about the gospel message than just belief in Christ and reading the bible and doing good. So complex, actually, that I think I could probably seriously learn new things everyday about how I should live. I mean, Jesus DIED for ME!
Those of you who know me would probably say I am a good person. I am generally nice and go to church and am a good mom. I love my husband. I don't drink or do drugs. I don't sin big. I am a "good" Christian. I know what I should do and what I shouldn't do and I try to do those things. I havent "built a graven image" to worship as an idol, but I have had idols in my life: iPhone, iPad, TV, being a good mom, being a good wife...even putting so much emphasis on pointing Levi to Christ, while I neglect my own walk. I let God down so much everyday that I am sure He sometimes thinks that I am so hardheaded that it might just take a miracle to get my attention. When I think about how I let Him down, I know I am no better than anyone. I needed Him just as much as the Boston bombers need Him. My sin is just as bad. My sin has kept me from living in the total power of Christ. MY SIN KEPT JESUS ON THE CROSS.
I should be living every day indebted to Him and serving Him. I should never even think to question something He has told me to do. I should never hold a grudge, because what I've done to Christ is far worse than anything anyone has ever done to me, and he still died for me. I have no room to be unloving. I have no grounds to be unforgiving. I should never be discontent. I have everything I should need to be joyful. I should be thanking Him for every breath I breathe as well as every breathe He allows for my family to breathe. I should be living by faith and clinging to the promises God has given me, and not by fear or by what comes naturally.
That is truely what it means to believe.